Coffee Joke of The Day

What Kind of Coffee Drinker Are You? When ordering coffee at a shop, what size do you generally prefer? a. Large b. Extra Large c. Bladder Buster 2000 (c) What do you enjoy most about coffee? a. The aroma b. The flavor. c. The chest pains. Finish this sentence: "When I'm not drinking coffee, I'm..." a. ...thinking about coffee. b. ...planning on drinking coffee soon. c. ...eating coffee grounds. What kind of bean do you prefer? a. Sumatran b. Guatemalan c. I don't care, JUST GIVE ME SOME NOW!! Finish this sentence: "Coffee makes me..." a. Think better. b. Feel better. c. ttTTtypPPpeEE bettRReeRr. If a waitperson asks if you would like a coffee refill, you answer: a. "Yes, please." b. "Of course." c. "Well, duh!" An extremely cute guy/gal asks you if they can share your coffee with you. What do you do? a. Say, "Sure!" b. Say, "No, thank you." c. Threaten bodily harm. What best describes coffee? a. Delicious refreshment. b. A quick pick-me-up. c. Life blood. How close is the closest coffee shop to your home? a. More than three city blocks. b. Less than three city blocks. c. I'm homeless. I spent all my money on coffee. What's the worst part about drinking coffee? a. The aftertaste. b. Stopping. c. Can you repeat the question? I haven't slept in four days... Scoring: All A answers get 10 points. All B answers get 5 points. All C answers get 2 points. Score: 100 - 50 = You like to drink coffee. 50 - 22 = You like to drink coffee a lot. 20 = You could drink Juan Valdez under the table. ( Juan Valdez is a fictional character that has appeared in advertisements for the National Federation of Coffee Growers of Colombia since 1981, representing the Colombian coffee farmer.The goal was to distinguish 100 per cent Colombian coffee from coffee blended with beans from other countries.He made his first TV appearance in 1983.He often appears alongside a mule, and he has become an icon for Colombia as well as coffee in general. ... )

Processing

Much processing and human labour is required before coffee berries and its seed can be processed into roasted coffee with which most Western consumers are familiar. Picking Coffee berries are most commonly picked by hand by labourers who receive payment by the basketful. As of 2003, payment per basket is between US$2.00 to $10 with the overwhelming majority of the labourers receiving payment at the lower end. An experienced coffee picker can collect up to 6-7 baskets a day. Depending on the grower, coffee pickers are sometimes specifically instructed to not pick green coffee berries since the seeds in the berries are not fully formed or mature. This discernment typically only occurs with growers who harvest for higher end/specialty coffee where the pickers are paid better for their labour. Mixes of green and red berries, or just green berries, are used to produce cheaper mass consumer coffee beans, which are characterized by a displeasingly bitter/astringent flavour and a sharp greenish odour. Red berries, with its higher aromatic oil and lower organic acid content are more fragrant, smooth, and mellow. As such coffee picking is one of the most important stages in coffee production, and is the chief determinant for the quality of the end product. Defruiting The coffee berries are a type of drupe, with fruit flesh directly covering the coffee bean. For "washed" coffees, after harvesting, the flesh of the coffee berry must be quickly removed by soaking, scouring and/or mechanical rubbing. The defruited coffee bean is flushed with water to remove clinging fruit and additional sugars before drying. These coffees tend to rest in water (the "ferment" stage) for a set amount of time (depending on the origin and producer). Washed coffees tend to be described as "clean" and "bright." Coffees called "naturals" are those where the fruit is not immediately removed from the beans, but is instead allowed to dry and partially ferment. This creates a unique flavour profile with reduced acidity and increased body, though if done poorly can lead to lower quality beans. Other coffee processing methods include the Pulped Natural process, the Indonesian "semi-washed" methods as well as aguapulping and re-fermentation. Each produces its own flavour profile and each is, in essence, a different way of handling the process of defruiting the beans. Drying Coffee beans are spread over a large concrete or rock surface where they are dried by air and sunlight. The beans are repeatedly raked into rows and spread out over the course of several days until they are largely dry. At this stage, the beans are referred to as "green coffee". Traditional coffee-drying in Boquete, Panama more...

Espresso Cuisines: Introduction

Espresso is more than simply a way to make coffee -- it is an entire coffee cuisine. And as espresso technology has been adopted by cultures outside Italy, that one cuisine has become many cuisines. The components that go into these cuisines are simple, however: coffee, always brewed by the espresso method; milk (or milk substitutes); and finally various flavorings added to the drink, at one time only chocolate, but in the United States an increasing (and often bewildering) variety of syrups and garnishes. more...

Coffee Culture: The Coffee Ritual

Ritual often chooses for its vehicle consciousness-altering substances such as wine, peyote or coffee. People may assume a bit of God resides in these substances, because through using them they are separated for a moment from the ordinariness of things and can seize their reality more clearly. This is why a ritual is not only a gesture of hospitality and reassurance, but a celebration of a break in routine, a moment when the human drive for survival lets up and people can simply be together. This last aspect is to me the fundamental meaning of the coffee break, the coffee klatch, the happy hour, and the after-dinner coffee. These are secular rituals that, in unobtrusive but essential ways, help maintain humanness in ourselves and with one another. more...

Espresso Basics

What is Espresso? Espresso appears dark brown with a red/brown-colored foam, called crema and is served in small portions Espresso is several things at once. It is a unique method of brewing in which hot water is forced under pressure through tightly packed coffee, one or two servings at a time. It is a roast of coffee, darker brown than the traditional American roast but not extremely dark. In a larger sense, it is an entire approach to coffee cuisine, involving not only roast and brewing method, but grind and grinder, a technique of heating and frothing milk, and a traditional menu of drinks. In the largest sense of all, it is an atmosphere or mystique: The espresso brewing machine is the spiritual heart and esthetic centerpiece of the great coffee places, the cafés, caffes and coffee houses of the world. more...